A Girl’s Guide: To Surviving Alcohol

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I’ve been meaning to write this post since last Thursday, when I came to work hungover, but since I was feeling like one of The Walking Dead Zombies, I didn’t have much brain power. And if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been drinking since last Wednesday, which is why I haven’t written anything new lately…oops! Anyway, today is a brand new day; plus I’m ready, sober and willing.

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The Unicorn and The Black Swan…

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I have only ever heard stories of this mythical creature they call The Unicorn. It is whispered in huddled gatherings amongst the ladies of my generation. The oohh-ing and aahh-ing becomes ever more paramount after having several cocktails swirling and swooshing around in their system. Once the high levels of this potent elixir wrecks it’s havoc, you can safely bet that some tears of yearning are emphatically whirled about for all to see. The “Why’s?, How’s and Where’s” are sung in unison as they listen tentatively to the magical stories of years gone by. Of a time where all was right with the world, where too much choice was unheard of and social media had not yet grasped it’s claws into their unsuspecting preys, leaving bloodied bodies in it’s wake. I know, that was a bit melodramatic, but I’m just trying to paint a colourful picture for you.  And what you may ask, is all the fuss about? Well, the mythical Unicorn that these ladies have been hearing about is, The Man of Unadulterated Virtue. I gave him capital letters because of the highly important value us women have placed on this man. Apparently they used to exist and lived peacefully out in the open, preening and puffing out their chests for all the world to see, proud to be of a good hearted nature. I mean that’s insane right? But alas, their numbers have dwindled. The Unicorns who do still exist, have crept back into the deepest depths of the untamed forests, hiding due to the sheer number of women who are scouring the four corners of the earth for them; only surfacing from time to time by stories that start off with “A friend of a friend of a friend…” And ending with “…Happily ever after.”

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