When Your Love Affair With Food Has Come To An End…


‘Food glorious foooooood!’…. is what I want to sing from the top of my lungs whenever I discuss such a scrumptious topic. I’m not going to lie, I love food. It brings you together with friends, you feel the love that was made with it while sitting around the dinner table with family, and let’s not forget the feelings of euphoria that run wild after you’ve finally satiated your haaanger. I mean, what’s not to love about food! Well, after so many years of having the best love affair of my life, it would seem it has come to an end. At least for the time being. My lover, has betrayed me, and my stomach and gut are now paying the price.

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The Sobering Act of Taking Pictures of Yourself in Your Underwear…


No… Just to be clear, I wasn’t starting out in an overweight fetish industry. Nor was I trying to seduce a potential suitor. I am not interested in men for the foreseeable future and I’m not in the right country for people to appreciate a good curvy, round, plumpy woman. Unfortunately, I took photos of myself in my underwear because some loser decided that you have to possess “before” images  in order for  you to commit to a healthy fitness lifestyle. A lifestyle that you’ve been dreading to start for the last 4 weeks. Boy, I sure would like to meet the moron who came up with this idea.

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A Casualty of The War On Fat…


On the 31st of August my pal (who I call Squishy) and I decided to combine forces of encouragement in the hopes of tackling the frustratingly difficult journey of losing weight. We figured the best way would be to motivate each other and share what foods we were eating throughout the day. You know like a keep-each-other-in-check kind of thing. She would be my Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and I would be her Jason Momoa. We would be motivators, terminators, hulkinators and whatever else kind of -ators we could think of.  After laying out the foundation of our ingenious plan, we decided that the best time to start this magical invigorating quest was on the first of September. Which of course was the next day.

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The Real Reason Why I Started Exercising… It’s most definitely not what you think.

Exercise The Lone Panda

Pandas, I will be the first one to tell you that I hate exercising. I loath it. I absolutely detest it. It is not my ideal scenario at the end of the day. It really isn’t. Either way despite all my protests, I have officially picked up running again. Yes, you read right. I have started running. But the real reason behind it might make you chuckle, or perhaps make you think that I’m totally crazy. Either way, I don’t really care. So BOOM in your face.

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Snails On Ya Face… Snaa, Snails On Ya Face!

Image taken from shefinds.com

Image taken from shefinds.com

So, who’s up for a little escargot on ya face? And no, that’s not a new euphemism for jizzing on one’s face now. Ha! But it totally could be! OH!! It could also totally be like a fancy diss in a rap song…”Snaa Snails on YO FACE! Cuzz I be escargoting all ovah tha place!” What do ya think? Ok, ok, I’ll get back to the topic at hand.

I read a little while ago about a facial that they were doing in Japan where they were letting snails slither all over people, leaving a trail of snail goo in their wake. Yes, they have harvested some poor ol’ snails, probably from France and instead of leaving them there for their eventual death as a “delicacy”, they are now confronted with a life long sentence of doing hard labour on peoples faces. What a cruel punishment! I somehow feel like dying a quick death is more humane than a life sentence. And just what have the snails of the world done that’s so bad for them now to be colonised into slaves for beauty? Surely if they could talk they would be cursing out that guy who woke up one morning and said “Oh mon dieu, Oui!” (Let’s go with him being French ok!) “I’ve got it. I wheell poot sam snail slime on my face. Oui!”.

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Eat Butter… The exhaustion of all these food revelations



I’m sure by now you’ve heard that Time magazine has officially stated that eating butter is back on the menu. If you haven’t seen their latest cover then here you go…


I for one am not mad at this new revelation. How can I be? It’s telling me to eat butter! Who the hell could get mad at that. What my panties are getting tangled up about is the fact that it is yet one more revelation to add to the millions already in circulation. This is making me want to shout out, ‘hey 21st century scientists/researchers/ dieticians/nutritionists/all-seeing-eyes  You gat lots ah esplaainnin tooo douu!’ (say it again in a thick Spanish accent…I’ll wait).

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