A Little Wednesday Wisdom…

Wednesday Wisdom

 

Happy Hump Day my little fluffy pandas! I mean big up to at least getting this far without collapsing in tears as the last drop of wine leaves the bottle. Well done you! I of course can’t say the same thing, but I keep on plodding along the best way I know how… like an alcoholic that’s dead to the world. Okay, okay! In all seriousness I decided to pass along some Wednesday wisdom to help me and you get through life’s awefulness. And what better way to do it than to throw some sparkly, funny gifs at you!  So here we go!

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Easily Distracted By Niceties…


One evening as I was preparing to board a bus back home I did some mental exercises and a few ‘woooosaahhh’s’ to help me deal with the city. And by city I mean the unemotional assholes of this world. The ones where the city has hardened them to an unmalleable substance. Where the soot, grease and oil intertwine throughout their DNA making them the terminator from the first of the franchise. The one who did not befriend you through cheesy one-line zingers such as ‘Hasta la vista baby’ and ‘I’ll be back’.  Either way, one has to be mentally prepared for these kill-joys.

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The Phrase ‘Right Place, Right Time’ Has eluded Me For All My Life…

In the Right time and the right place

It’s a silly old thing, time. Isn’t it? There’s this power that it possesses for some reason. If you spend it poorly, it runs like water through a drain. If you spend it wisely, it might run like the summer months close to the north pole. Where the sunlight laces the days together and time seems to have created a wormhole of infinite length. But those scenarios can be reversed as well. Where it can speed up while having a wondrous time and then slow to a halt while you’re doing a task that you aren’t fond of. Time can be bent, skewed, thrown, stopped, pushed, delayed; manipulating it until you’ve achieved your goals. But what about the unfortunate few who have not had luck with time? Who have parted ways with missed chances or unseized opportunities because Lady Luck chose for them another fate; to not be in the ‘Right Place, Right Time’ section of life. As if you were in a constant state of ‘almosts’, but never getting any farther than that.  And it’s not like you can force it. That’s the elusiveness of it. I have felt like that about relationships. Where the circumstances have not been spot on. Or the feelings, affections, have not been right. They have been an almost, but not quite. There hasn’t been that meshing of souls. The clicking of thoughts. There seems to have always been a catch. A bent cog in an antiquated time piece. A hiccup of everlasting sharpness. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have not been given the opportunity to relish in that happy moment of everything clicking all at once. The merging of synchronicity. So perfect in timing that we hear the atom pop.

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Finding Your Couch Potato Lover Has Left Me With a Whole Bunch of Questions…

Netfling

Oh the bane of having to be sociable. It has been my Achilles heal for as long as I can remember. Okay, fine, to be honest I’ve been a hardcore grumpy grump hermit for the last three and a half years. As I’m sure you’ve gathered, dating hasn’t really been on my social to-do list lately. It’s not that I haven’t tried, it’s just that I miss the old way of how people met. You know, in person. Where they could witness your great personality first hand. Instead of a couple of pictures and some texts through a dating app.

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My Second Favourite ‘F’ word…FRIDAY

Friday Feeling

Pandas, I am so happy that it’s Friday! TGIF man! Whoop whoop! Is that too much love to give over a day? Who cares! I love Fridays!

It is by far the best day of the week. A day full of hopes, enthusiasm and fun. So whatever’s going on in your life take a step back and enjoy the little things in life. This right here is one of my little things. And I take full advantage of the joy that it brings me. So go forth and have fun this evening pandas! You deserve it!

Oh…. I bet you’re wondering what my first favourite F word is. Well, that would be…

FALAFEL

Yes, the food. Don’t laugh! I just think it’s the best sounding word around, almost like the likes of kerfuffle. I like the way it rolls off the tongue. I have even taken to using the word in place of kerfuffle. Like ‘those two are having a falafel’, meaning they’re fighting/arguing. Or ‘stop falafeling around’, meaning stop joking around. I don’t know why I do this. But I guess that’s what makes me, me! Oh alright, you can laugh if you want to.

❤ ❤ ❤

What’s some of your favourite words?

The Invisibility Cloak of being Average…

invisibility Cloak

So I just turned 32 a couple of weeks ago and it has started this constant chain of panic and fear that I have yet to achieve anything substantial in life. Thirty two years on this fucking planet and I have been playing below par for three quarters of it. Well, I can’t technically say all the years because I physically don’t remember the first 4-5 of them. Who knows, maybe I was above average in those years like excelling in finger painting, but I somehow highly doubt it.

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A Girl’s Guide: To Surviving Alcohol

loveLucyDrunk

I’ve been meaning to write this post since last Thursday, when I came to work hungover, but since I was feeling like one of The Walking Dead Zombies, I didn’t have much brain power. And if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been drinking since last Wednesday, which is why I haven’t written anything new lately…oops! Anyway, today is a brand new day; plus I’m ready, sober and willing.

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It’s Rare To Find Friends Who Actually Get You…

Friends

Friendship is super important, wouldn’t you say pandas? Ever since we worked out how to string words together to communicate, it has been a constant yearning to make friends and fit in. Friends mould you from a very young age. The early ones help you with your social skills and sharing . Whereas the older ones formed how you truly saw people. And not to mention taught you a few harsh life lessons on trust, loyalty, humility and  compassion. It took me a long time to actually realise that some of those friends that I made throughout the years, never really knew me or got me. Even the close ones. They thought they did, but they really didn’t. And once I realised that I could choose who I wanted in my life and who should be kicked to the curb, that’s when I felt like I could breathe again.

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Excuse Me While I Go Knock Myself Into A Coma…. Someone’s Invented Clown Contouring. (Insert puke emoji here)

Clown Contouring

Panda’s I just can’t anymore. What in the hell is the world coming to?! Apparently we have now ventured into the era of the Clown. Wasn’t the first contouring makeup tutorial enough for you? Weren’t the hoards of photos and how-to articles enough to satiate your appetites? Apparently not, because now all I see are articles about clown contouring. And everyone and their momma’s are lapping it up. So I simply must ask, when will the madness end?

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Sleepovers Are Not What They Once Were… The older you get, the more stuff you bring.

packing

Remember when you were younger and you got invited to sleepovers? How excited were you being able to go to someone else’s house?! It was like a mini adventure. Almost like a safari of learning how other animals live in their natural habitat. You would pack the bare essentials like your favourite toys to play with and you were off. But as the years flew by your little backpack of “bare essentials” became a trunk of  unwavering ammunition. Nowadays by the time you even get to your friend’s house, your back is out because of all the shit you’ve packed and you are ready to fall asleep. My how times have changed!

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15 of the Worst Pet Peeves on This Planet…

anger frustration pet peevesHello Pandas!

Today I want to discuss pet peeves. Don’t you dare say, you don’t have any. What are you perfect and you love everything about everyone? No, I’m afraid that’s impossible. No one is perfect and furthermore no one loves everything about everyone. People get on each other’s nerves. That’s life. I will however, give you the joy of knowing that you might be close to perfection. But nonetheless, no matter how close you might be, chances are, you do something that annoys the living hell out of somebody else. There’s no avoiding it. So let’s just face the universal fact that not everyone is going to like every single thing that you do.  Sorry pandas, but the sooner you let go and accept this, the sooner you will be able to tolerate it more.

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The Real Reason Why I Started Exercising… It’s most definitely not what you think.

Exercise The Lone Panda

Pandas, I will be the first one to tell you that I hate exercising. I loath it. I absolutely detest it. It is not my ideal scenario at the end of the day. It really isn’t. Either way despite all my protests, I have officially picked up running again. Yes, you read right. I have started running. But the real reason behind it might make you chuckle, or perhaps make you think that I’m totally crazy. Either way, I don’t really care. So BOOM in your face.

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It’s a Very Sad Day For Bubble Wrap….Prepare to Shed Some Tears

Bubble Wrap is not going to pop anymore

Pandas!! I just can’t! I have some horrible news. The bubble wrap that you have grown to love for all these years is about to get a makeover. Maybe some of you are thinking that I’ve lost it over bubble wrap. Quite possibly. Or you might be asking, why in the hell is she getting so bent up out of shape over this news?! WELL, this “new” bubble wrap (soon to be labelled iBubble) will cease to pop. That’s right! No more popping of the bubbles pandas. Oh the lunacy. I can’t bear the thought! A life without the sound of popping.

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Has Feminism and The Internet Stopped Chivalry and Wooing Dead In Its Tracks?

where have all the balls gone?

I suppose talking about men is a subject that us ladies have worn down to the bone. It’s a subject that even after discussing, chatting, crying, laughing, wondering, we still have no clue as to why men do what they do. And yet, here we are, in the 21st century still talking about fucking men and all their shenanigans. You would think we would have figured out some things by now. But oh no, we are worse off. In fact I think men are becoming ball-less. Yeah I said it! The lessening of the ball sack. The suctioning inwards of the testicles so that they have reverted so far up their canals that there is no possible hope of retrieval.  And because of this they have become more docile, tame,  and therefore less likely to pursue a lady. All I have to say is that there’s definitely no chivalry left. And furthermore I would like to add… certainly no  more wooing. You know that woo that he do with you you…. ok I’ll stop. But seriously nothing feels better than a good ol’ fashioned woo. I miss real men! Where in the hell have they gone? I’m actually starting to think that England has a serious SERIOUS problem whereupon I’m really contemplating  fucking off out of here and going back to the States. ASAP!

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