There comes a moment in every man’s life where he gazes into his partner’s eyes with a longing so deep that it touches the receiver’s soul. You could even say it’s a gaze that is more than life itself, aided by the twinkling of stars that has somehow been born from the universe. You are looking at a deep galaxy of lights, where each illumination is a memory that the bearer holds dear. And suddenly, just like the quickness of the snapping of fingers, a stillness of time manifests into infinity. It is just the two of you who matter, as the noises around you mute. You both seem to be in the know, while the rest of the world ceases to exist. That gaze, the one that makes you almost feel like you know the meaning of life, morphs into something that logically you can’t comprehend, and yet emotionally understand without question. Once this realisation hits, you become very aware that your breath becomes caught up in the thickness of the air around you, making it hard to digest the intensity . It’s a rarity… but if you are lucky enough to experience it, it is likely one that you will never forget.
Well, my how the time flies. It would seem another Valentine’s Day has crept around the corner to grace us with its presence. Despite me being single yet again on this
joyous occasion, I’ve decided to do a post on more meaningful things you could do as opposed to your run-of-the-mill restaurant affair.
Does anyone else feel like things are moving too fast nowadays when it comes to dating, love and relationships in general? Or am I the only one woman island in the middle of nowhere? As I look at my parents and grandparents’ relationships I have come to the conclusion that things have become a little warped. It definitely doesn’t seem so rosy anymore and somewhere along the way there seems to have been more rules put in place to make things even more difficult.
Ah amour… Isn’t it grand. This one word has played host to a whole range of emotions ever since the very first thought and feeling formed in our Neanderthal cousins. They were the first of our species to live together and congregate in groups, so I can only assume it started then. Sometimes I’m sure you’ve wished that you never knew the word love and what it stands for, while other times you knew that life was not worth living without having it. Which is curious seeing as most of us are forgetting the details in it. We are rushing from relationship to fling, to hook up, back to a relationship whereupon losing the glorious subtleties in the slowness of a flickering flame. The beginning musings of two lovers has become a novelty act in a modern novel which will no doubt be picked up by a billion dollar movie company so it can be mass produced and distort our already skewed notions of the subject. They forget to tell the truth that sometimes love doesn’t work out. But the point of it, is to have been able to have experienced it. The touching of hands, the embrace leading up to a passionate kiss. The midnight conversations and the giggling of inside jokes. I know it’s an even better story if the “Boy gets the girl”, but what about what they went through after that?
What I’m about to show you has been viewed a little over 4.3 million times and keeps on rising steadily. The first time I saw it,was actually two nights ago when a friend posted it to her wall. And to be completely honest… I cried as if my heart was being brought back to life. It was the sweetest, most sincere, and most genuine video I have seen in a while. Get ready… Oh and crack out the tissues.
This is what I want. Exactly this…nothing more and nothing less.
Smiles and laughter filling up the heart.
It’s about to burst!
Giddiness flutters around, oozing out of your soul.
Rays of glistening sun beams bounce off you.
Illuminating others around you.
Infectious, addictive, sugary sweetness.
Heavy gasps of air. Feeling light headed again.
This must be what blooming feelings like in luscious flowers.
Breathing in deep hypnotic flavours. Robust notes.
Jasmine, rose, honey milk. An unknown elixir.
Impossible to superficially mass-produce it.
I’ve succumbed to all my senses.
I’ve let go. Lightness embodies me.
Tickling emotions. Mischievous emotions.
Toying. Playing. Laughing. Being. Living.
Can I just say that after so many years of being in ridiculous relationships, floating around in an odd bubble, I have loved the last two year stint of absolute aloneness. It’s been great. No honestly! I found out what I want, who I am and where I want to go. It’s actually quite a liberating experience. And I highly recommend it! That’s why the above quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually wanted to write to Ms. Warsan Shire and say “You are awesome girl! You totally fucking get me!” It does feel good. I have somehow magically repaired myself through this solitude. I feel whole again. I feel like me again. Like the silly idiot who always wants to burst out laughing and loves life. And I will not be bamboozled into having some randomer come in to my life and destroy what I have built. I will only allow someone come into my world who makes me even better than I am. Someone who can aid, nurture, and add to my silliness. Anything less would be a mockery. It would be a down right stupid choice to make. And I am sure as hell, over stupid choices.
So here’s to embracing your inner loner-self and actually loving it.
The sadness of this rings ever so true. At least for me. When I first read this I couldn’t help but be drawn to the words. And then my past caught up with me and engulfed my soul. Memories of brokenness broke out of me. Sorrow of a weaker self. A diminishing of a character that once used to flourish. After reading this quote, I realised that my past of a torturous, abusive love, was indeed a war. And upon my return, was faced with changes in a person that I did not recognise.
Well isn’t that the truth! It’s such a fitting quote on love. Some may fall in a few seconds while others may take hours. But once we do fall, it’s engulfing. Like being swallowed up into an abyss. Where escape is a word that’s unknown. The blanket of comfort and the gentleness of the night sooth you. A welcomed silence of gratifying deafness. Happy to be spent in such a safe moment from here until endlessness…
Let’s start our week of Love off right. And what better way to start, than to talk about weirdness. Yeah you read right! I’ll have you know that Dr. Seuss was spot on with the above quote.
Weirdness takes a major precedence when finding your preferred mate o’ love. Why? Well behind closed doors is where we unleash our weirdness. Where we can be our true selves. So we need to find someone who we can be weird together.
I’ve decided to dedicate this week to Love. Awwww, how cute is that? No, wait a minute, I think I might barf. Anyway, no matter what my feelings are on the matter, I wanted to talk about love in all its glory. As well as all its ugliness. The real reason however, is because Valentine’s Day and 50 Shades of Grey are both on Saturday. So I thought, why not do a week dedicated to a subject that has perplexed, annoyed, exhilarated, annihilated, embodied, punched, saddened and evoked me? After all, it is the one and only subject that I have been so obsessed with for all of my life. So I might as well stop being so stank face about it. It’s about time I embrace it. Or at least openly admit that I have a few issues. It’s the men I tell ya. They have driven me so crazy that my eye starts twitching and my hands ball up into a fist….But I will be the first one to admit, that it’s about time to let go of this grudge.
I’m writing you in solitude
Thinking everything will be fine.
But I know better with all the uncompromising attitude,
That this love that I want is only capable in my mind.
I sit here wondering if this is how god wanted life to be,
Or even if it was fate that brought us certain things as a test.
How can things be perfect between you and me,
When you’re giving half of yourself and I’m giving you all that is best.
Don’t think of returning this, I don’t want a reply,
I want something that you can’t give me.
there is no point in fixing it, just take it as a goodbye.
I hope one day you will think of me,
When your mind is fully cleared.
Then maybe you will finally see
That it was only you, yourself, should have feared.
Where were those walks on the beach,
Those romantic subtle gestures?
Why was the love so hard to reach
When all you had to do was hold me and treat our love as a treasure.
I know there are lots of things that you wished were different,
Things that you could have changed.
But if I stick this out, will it be a good investment?
Will our love ever become unchained?
So here I am wishing you well in all that you do and try
I want something that you can’t give me
So don’t think of returning this, I don’t want a reply.
I was reading an article on the Huffington Post by Dr. Carmen Harra called “The 10 Elements of a Soulmate” and as I read the list I realised that I actually yearned for a deeper connection with someone. I may joke in my blog posts about the fact that I will be single forever and it won’t phase me but as I read this list I realised that I was scared to be left on this planet alone.
The title is kinder than what I really wanted to say. What I really wanted to say was that even moronic, dimwitted, provincial, vinegary beasts have found love. But obviously that would have been too long.
Maybe that’s a harsh thing to say but let’s be completely honest here. You have at one time or another, thought the very same thing when looking at a couple walking down the street. You might even think, why the hell are they with that person. Or you might see on Facebook that that guy who everyone wanted to punch in the balls has in fact gone and found a girl. And what’s more is that he’s gone and proposed! I know you are thinking WTF?! How the hell did that happen? How did that idiot bag himself someone? Someone who doesn’t seem to be held under duress, no glaze forming over her eyeballs with the use of drugs, no nothing. In fact they are smiling in every photo. Now, how in God’s good graces did he let this inept human being be happy and you are sitting at home on a Friday night drinking a whole bottle of wine to yourself while going over your whole character and eventually coming to the conclusion that the world has officially gone to shit or worse that you must be one ugly fat mother fucker. Now you know how I got down on my Friday night.