People Should Come With A Guarantee…


Guys, somewhere along the line it seems that we have lost the meaning of love. We have forgotten that it takes dedication and hard work to keep a relationship going. That it really does take two. Somewhere, something happened to make our generation a bit skewed. Out of whack, so to speak.

Relationships are dropped as quickly as they started and there seems to be no sense of effort being thrown in its direction. If we simply get frustrated we find a replacement. It’s become that simple. There is nothing out there that pushes us to cherish a relationship more. And unfortunately a marriage certificate hasn’t cut it in recent years.

Therefore ladies and gentlemen, may I propose a little amendment to the book of relationships. Ready? People should come with a guarantee. Yup, you read that right! Just like leasing a car or buying a toaster. If for some reason your significant other is not working properly or has a glitch, then all you need to do is crack out your guarantee and tweak the glitches. It would be like a legally binding contract with bullet points and stipulations. I know how romantic. But hear me out.

So you say your partner isn’t listening to you any more? Well, you can simply take them in to get repaired and then they will be returned with a whole new listening mechanism embedded within their ear canal. Oh you say they have let themselves go? Well the body shop will help you out with alterations to make your partner as good as new. So you say they’re treating you poorly? Well then don’t forget to add a manners course in your guarantee. Something along the lines of, if my current partner treats me poorly ( and this is where the bullet points come in) then they have to take a course in proper relationship courting rituals. Basically you would write a guarantee with points that should not be crossed. And if they are, then the recipient of that guarantee has a certain amount of time to fix their wrong doings. If however the stipulations are not met, then severe consequences would take effect. This guarantee could then graduate to be an academy of sorts. It could totally be like “The Stepford Wives”. And it could be renamed “The Stepford Boot Camp”. Bam!

The guarantee would act as a reassurance policy. How many times have you looked at your partner and said, man I wish he/she would just (insert preferred word here) more. Or, why couldn’t my partner be more attentive? Or, why do they put me down all the time? This would be your reassurance policy to make sure your ass is covered. Maybe this is a harsh outlook on relationships. Maybe I have become cynical as the years have flown by. Or maybe I feel like people in general should have something to protect themselves with. Something to keep their significant others on their toes.

Maybe these guarantees would keep people from throwing in the towel too quickly. Maybe they would make us better individuals instead of letting life and/or your partner pass you by. I have been  accused in the past, of letting myself go when I was in a previous relationship of 5 years. And to be completely honest I did just that. In my head I thought, well this guy isn’t going anywhere so who cares. I stopped dressing up, gained weight and never wanted to do anything. And to be completely honest, I will be the first one to admit that I have made mistakes in relationships, so I would never put all the blame on men. But I do know that I didn’t deserve certain things. Things that can break a person’s soul. And maybe, just maybe, if there was a written guarantee in the beginning of every merger then simply put, perhaps some of us wouldn’t be such cold hearted bastards all the time. Maybe we would fix ourselves more. Or strive to inspire and uplift our significant others instead of becoming resentful of their shortcomings.

All in all I think that everyone should come with a 1 year guarantee. Or a 30 day one, for the most severe of cases. Where the consequences would be dire. Who knows, maybe we would all prove ourselves a bit more, even strive to be the best we could be. Gosh, it all sounds a bit robotic and business like doesn’t it? But maybe a business mentality is what we need to veer towards. I mean, who wants to fuck with a binding business contract? And further more who wants to lose some limbs? Chances are you would work your ass off if you knew that there would be serious consequences to your health or monetary funds.

Think about it… 😉

3 thoughts on “People Should Come With A Guarantee…

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